my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
sarcasm needs its own font
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
