i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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