could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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