yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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