Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
