please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
it's like heaven, but drunker
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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