Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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