I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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