umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
