Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
