I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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