So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
