she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
