And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
