I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
