He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
my being single is dangerous.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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