i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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