i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
