I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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