Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
