I'm pants shitting drunk right now
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
