she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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