My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
