You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
