Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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