Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
