Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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