she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
