my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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