If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
