My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
