Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
