If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
