Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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