i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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