woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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