clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
