My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
