Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
