Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
