yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
