Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
