if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
