you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
