We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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