I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
