I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
