I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
