Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
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btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
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I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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