You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
