Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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