Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
