I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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