I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
