I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
