it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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