I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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