Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
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I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
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Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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