True but thats because hes a fetus.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
