my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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