Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
