So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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