I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
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