I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He? As in you personified your dick?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
