How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
