I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
