good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Randomize
