Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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