Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
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I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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