That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
