If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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