Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
