I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
