And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
