Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
