if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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