My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
